Death & Dying Fear

Posted By SLK on Tuesday, July 27, 2010   { 1 Comment(s) }

In our family, Kat is the (only other) worrier. She is overly sensitive by nature and will worry about anything and everything – school, friends, best friends, activities… By far, the most critical of all fears has been the death and dying fear. For several months, Kat believed that someone close to her would die and she would not know how to cope/deal with it. It was a very trying time for Papa and me. Every night she would be scared to go to bed as she feared bad dreams – fully aware that this was her alone time where she thought about all the bad things that could happen to her loved ones (mummy, papa, sister, grandparents).

Papa, our massage therapist, would sit by her bedside soothing Kat to sleep for as long as she needed him (some days sleeping with her when she was so very scared) while I read books or put Kit to bed early to make time for Kat (every little helps!)

After some CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) sessions to overcome the fear, we broke through. Little did we know that few weeks later we would be faced with a real situation – Kat’s best friend’s father was diagnosed with malignant brain tumour and we kept this from her for as long as we possibly could. Heart breaking it was but there was no way we could break the news to her – we just could not gather the courage to do it or face the consequences.

We finally broke the news to Kat over the weekend and her reaction was surprisingly calm. Maybe we underestimated her resilience? Was it our own feelings that we were worried about dealing with? Of course, she had some questions but they were the ones we could answer.

Kat still is sensitive and will worry but she is over the dying part – she does not get upset anymore when the fish die (so that’s also a good sign I think!) while Kit is constantly on watch for the fish to die as the lone survivor (our last fish) we have now is Kat’s and Kit is not happy!

At the back of my mind I know these worry genes in Kat are mine. Its interesting how being a mother changes everything…I can never show MY fear – I cannot tell her that I was too scared to get on a plane for a holiday alone with the girls with the fear that someone would blow it up and Papa would be left alone!

Tags: fear, therapy