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Kit is generally very excited about dropping Kat off in the morning and I cannot remember a day since Kit started school last year when it was the other way round...so that makes TODAY a very special day indeed...Kat had a Conference Day in school so she was overjoyed with her day off while Kit had normal school (they FINALLY realised they had given too many snow days away!)
Kit is very perceptive – we couldn't just tell her that Kat was staying home (I mean, which sibling can bear to see the other one stay home with mummy?) so we made a little plan – we told Kit that Kat’s school teacher was running a little late so her bus was late, blah, blah... and hence, Kat would drop her first (clever!!).
Kit was super excited and I felt a little guilty about making up this story but I did think it would do more good than harm, so I guess mums are allowed to do this, right?
We were all in good spirits, all was going fine and we were waiting for Kit’s bus when the doorman asked Kat why she didn’t go to school (as part of general chit chat) and I boldly answered for her: “She has a holiday at school” (I should learn to keep my mouth shut!!!)
Kit looked at me and then at Kat. Kat looked at me as if she couldn’t believe how dumb I was! (That I told you so look when your kids get older and start to think mums have lost it and today I did think I had!)
Was it that pressure of ending the conversation quickly that made the truth come out or was it the pressure of getting Kit to school or was it just the rush in general or just plain craziness? Whatever it was, I was not prepared for that look in Kit’s eyes.
Of course, I’m a mum and I quickly picked myself up from where I had stumbled (too low in my eyes I think!) and started the story about how Kat’s teacher was too late and now they might give a day off and so on...don’t think Kit believed me – she just kept quiet. I even gave her my cell phone to play with (a really special treat)
Finally, the bus came and Kit was on her way to it. She looked back and said to Kat –“You’re staying home with mummy today, aren’t you?”
I looked at Kit – “Maybe but remember I love you.” (Too tired to lie anymore. Could even feel a migraine coming on now...)
Kit (instantly): “more than Kat?”
“You do, don’t you? I know you do”
And she was off on the bus, sitting contentedly by the window, blowing kisses to both Kat and me, happy in the belief that I love her more than Kat...such innocence...such a carefree life...how I wish I was 4 years old!
Their love for me is so predictable...always the same...UNCONDITIONAL. Then why do I sometimes lose MY temper and on occasions have confrontations with even a (not yet) 4 yo? I could learn a thing or two from my girls.
What amazes me is that children do not even care about their own pain, their own feelings so much...all they care about is YOU. The other day I had to raise my voice with Kit to get something done as she would just not listen (typical ignore mummy behaviour). She ended up crying saying that she was upset because I was not happy. There have been instances where she thinks “I am sad”, “I am upset” or “my feelings are hurt”.
Kat used to do (still does) exactly the same. Many times, they will not cry for themselves - they will cry for me and those tears hurt me the most - I WILL end up feeling miserable!!
Children ARE truly innocent and for them, it is so important to please their loved ones. Yes, right - the pressure back on me. So we end up making up with a kiss or a sorry or whatever to get rid of the bad feeling!
Whether it’s been a tiring day for them or a truly challenging one, their faces will light up when they see me...even if they are upset, there is a little extra effort required but there is always hope – mother’s love can always help. Where is the magic? Why is not hurting me so important to my kids? I (honestly) never think twice when I am angry and regret later (have to apologise to Kat – Kit is more forgiving – like...in an instant!!)
If our children have so much love for us, are so forgiving and hold us before their own pain and feelings, I feel ashamed sometimes about the way I interact with them. They seem far more mature then I am – more in control of their life! Discipline CAN be achieved by love alone – we just have to believe in it. Kids are amazing and so is our relationship with them...and a mother’s touch? No matter what...ALWAYS comforting and loving!
Kit: “How do I make things better? I messed it up again! We have a big fight. How can I make it better?"
(She is probably referring to some fight they’ve had when painting when I was happily tapping away on the keyboard, probably thinking they had finally found their ways!)
My heart goes out to her when she looks at me with her big wide eyes and has that expression of a 3yo going to 10!)
Me: “Why don’t you go say sorry – all things can be turned right when you say sorry. Trust me” (Wish it was true, though!)
Me: “Yes” (this time with more conviction)
Kit barges out again (nothing gets done without extra action) and comes back with even greater excitement and surprise on her face!
Kit: “You were right! It worked. Thank you so much mummy. Thank you for saving my life! ” (This last phrase is something she has picked up from some princess story and loves to use ever so often!)
And I have kisses slobbered all over my face…she is gone with just the speed and force that she entered the room and I am left wondering if I learnt anything from the lesson that I have just taught her! Well, time will tell…